Strict or authoritarian parenting focuses on rules, discipline, and high expectations with little flexibility. While clear guidelines can be helpful, excessive strictness can harm a child’s confidence and emotional well-being.
This guide explains the effects of strict parenting and provides clear steps for creating a balanced approach that combines discipline with warmth and understanding.
Why are parents strict?
Parents often choose a strict parenting style to set clear expectations and guide their children toward positive behavior.1 Here are some other reasons why strict parenting is practiced:
To instill discipline and responsibility
Strict parents believe that clear boundaries teach essential life skills and prepare children for real-world responsibilities. They focus on:
- Preparing for adulthood: By setting boundaries, parents hope to build a foundation of responsibility to support children later in life.
- Setting clear expectations: Rules provide structure and help children understand what’s expected, creating a sense of order.
- Teaching accountability: Enforcing consequences helps children recognize the impact of their actions and learn from mistakes.
Fear of negative influences
Some parents use strict rules to shield their children from potential negative influences, such as peer pressure or risky behaviors. To create a safer environment, they may:
- Limit exposure: Curfews, media restrictions, and limits on friendships aim to reduce access to harmful influences.
- Promote safe choices: Rules guide children toward decisions that keep them safe and focused.
To encourage high achievement
For parents who value success highly, strict rules can motivate their children toward academic or personal goals. They believe this approach will:
- Encourage hard work: Parents hope to foster a strong work ethic by emphasizing persistence and focus.
- Set high standards: Expectations in areas like academics or sports teach dedication and resilience.
- Reinforce goal-setting: Celebrating achievements shows children the value of setting and meeting personal goals.
Cultural or family beliefs
In many families, extremely strict parenting is a long-standing tradition rooted in cultural or family beliefs about raising respectful, well-behaved children. 2 These parents aim to:
- Uphold family values: Clear rules reflect principles of respect, obedience, and tradition within the family.
- Continue family traditions: Many parents use the same parenting methods they experienced, believing they are effective.
- Teach respect for authority: Children learn the importance of listening to and respecting their elders.
Fear of losing control
Some parents worry that children may become unruly or disrespectful without firm boundaries. 3 To maintain a harmonious household, they focus on:
- Preventing misbehavior: Clear, consistent rules help reduce the risk of defiance or acting out.
- Establishing authority: Firm boundaries reinforce the parent’s role as the leader in the family.
- Maintaining order: Rules and structure create predictability, helping everyone feel more secure in their roles.
What are the effects of authoritarian parenting?
While authoritarian parenting might seem like a good choice, it can impact a child’s behavior and emotional well-being.
Low self-esteem
Children raised in authoritarian households may struggle with self-confidence. 4 This often happens because they:
- Feel judged or inadequate: Constantly being told what’s wrong can lead them to doubt their abilities.
- Receive little positive feedback: may not see their strengths or accomplishments without encouragement.
- Fear making mistakes: High expectations make them worry about failure, affecting their willingness to try new things.
Increased anxiety
Strict, high-pressure environments can lead to heightened anxiety in children. 5 They may feel:
- Constantly pressured to succeed: Fear of disappointing their parents increases stress and worry.
- Afraid of punishment: Harsh consequences make children fearful of even minor mistakes.
- Unable to relax: The lack of flexibility can make them feel like they must be “perfect” at all times.
Poor social skills
Authoritarian parenting can affect a child’s ability to interact comfortably with others. This often occurs because they:
- Struggle with assertiveness: Children used to strict rules may have difficulty expressing their opinions.
- Avoid social situations: Fear of judgment may lead them to shy away from peer interactions.
- Have trouble with empathy: Children may not develop empathy for others without encouragement to share feelings.
Risk of rebellion
Children raised with strict, authoritarian rules may become defiant over time. This can happen because they:
- Feel a lack of freedom: Constant control can make them resent limitations on their choices.
- Seek independence: Strict rules may lead them to rebel to express their individuality.
- Act out in frustration: Rebellion can be a reaction to pent-up emotions and frustration with rigid boundaries.
Difficulty with decision-making
Growing up in a highly controlled environment can hinder a child’s ability to make independent choices. They may:
- Rely heavily on others for direction: Children who lack the freedom to choose may depend on others’ guidance.
- Fear making the wrong choice: Strict consequences make them overly cautious, worrying about failure.
- Lack problem-solving skills: Without opportunities to practice decision-making, they may struggle to solve issues independently.
Reduced self-motivation and independence
Children raised in authoritarian households may rely heavily on external pressure and validation. They may:
- Depend on authority for direction: Strict control can make them feel uncertain without direct supervision.
- Lack motivation: Constant demands may reduce their enjoyment in activities, seeing them as obligations rather than passions.
- Struggle with self-discipline: They may struggle to stay focused or set personal goals without external motivation.
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Are there benefits to strict parenting?
While strict parenting can have some drawbacks, certain aspects of this approach can offer benefits when applied thoughtfully and balanced with an authoritative style. Here are some potential benefits of strict parenting, especially as children grow into teens:
Clear structure and discipline
Strict parenting often gives children a strong sense of structure, which can help them feel secure and understand boundaries.
- Predictable routines: Having consistent rules and routines helps children know what to expect, which can reduce uncertainty.
- Guidance on right and wrong: Clear boundaries teach children about acceptable behavior and consequences.
- Sense of responsibility: Strict rules encourage children to take ownership of their actions and understand accountability.
Strong work ethic
High expectations can encourage children, especially teens, to develop a solid work ethic and a commitment to excellence. This approach to parenting can foster:
- Perseverance: Challenges and high standards motivate children to keep trying, even when tasks are difficult.
- Self-discipline: Children learn the importance of focus and effort with structured guidance.
- Goal-setting skills: Clear expectations help children learn to set and achieve their goals over time.
Respect for authority
Strict parenting can teach children to respect authority when balanced with authoritative support, translating into positive relationships with teachers, coaches, and other figures. This respect is developed through:
- Understanding boundaries: Clear rules help children recognize the importance of respecting limits.
- Learning to follow instructions: Children become familiar with listening to guidance and following directions.
- Developing courteous behavior: Emphasizing respect at home can foster respectful behavior toward others.
Better decision-making under supervision
Children who grow up with consistent guidance often learn to make thoughtful decisions. They gain this skill by:
- Learning from consequences: Experiencing the outcomes of their choices teaches them about accountability.
- Practicing self-control: Strict environments often encourage children to think before acting.
- Evaluating risks: High standards can help children understand the importance of assessing risks and consequences.
How should you parent your teen?
Parenting teens requires a careful balance of guidance, understanding, and independence. These key approaches can help you support your teen’s growth and build a strong relationship:
Set clear boundaries with flexibility
Teens benefit from boundaries that provide structure but also need the freedom to make choices as they grow. To set clear yet adaptable boundaries:
- Communicate rules clearly: Ensure your teen understands household rules and their reasons.
- Allow room for negotiation: Be open to adjusting rules when appropriate, showing your teen you respect their growing independence.
- Stay consistent: Hold firm on important boundaries while allowing flexibility in less critical areas.
Foster open communication
Encouraging open communication helps teens feel safe expressing themselves and builds trust in your relationship. You can foster open communication by:
- Listening without judgment: Give your full attention when they speak, and avoid immediate criticism or punishment.
- Encouraging honesty: Let them know they can come to you with any problematic issue.
- Asking open-ended questions: Invite them to share more by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
Support their independence
Teens need opportunities to make decisions and take responsibility, which prepares them for adulthood. You can support their independence by:
- Giving them choices: Offer options where they can safely make decisions, like managing their schedule or choosing extracurriculars.
- Encouraging self-discipline: Help them learn to manage their time and set personal goals.
- Allowing natural consequences: When safe, let them experience the results of their choices to build accountability.
Show empathy and understanding
Teens undergo rapid emotional and physical changes, and showing empathy can help them feel supported. To demonstrate empathy:
- Acknowledge their feelings: Validate their experiences, even if you don’t fully agree or understand.
- Share your experiences: When appropriate, let them know you’ve faced similar challenges.
- Be patient: Teens may be unpredictable or moody; patience shows them you’re there for support, not judgment.
Model positive behavior
Teens learn by observing, so modeling respectful and responsible behavior reinforces the values you want to instill. You can model positive behavior by:
- Demonstrating healthy communication: Show how to express thoughts calmly and listen actively.
- Practicing self-care: Model a balanced lifestyle, including exercise, rest, and hobbies.
- Admitting mistakes: Showing accountability for your actions teaches them that it’s okay to be imperfect.
Final thoughts
Strict parenting can shape a child’s behavior and worldview, but it may also lead to challenges with self-esteem, anxiety, and social skills.
If you’re concerned that strict parenting has affected your teen, they may benefit from additional support.
Our facility provides mental health programs to help teens build confidence, resilience, and healthy relationships.
Reach out to learn how we can support your teen’s well-being and guide them toward a brighter future.
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Sources
1. Querido, J. G., Warner, T. D., & Eyberg, S. M. (2002). Parenting styles and child behavior in African American families of preschool children. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 31(2), 272–277. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15374424JCCP3102_12
2. Lansford, J. E., Godwin, J., Bornstein, M. H., Chang, L., Deater-Deckard, K., Di Giunta, L., Dodge, K. A., Malone, P. S., Oburu, P., Pastorelli, C., Skinner, A. T., Sorbring, E., Steinberg, L., Tapanya, S., Uribe Tirado, L. M., Alampay, L. P., Al-Hassan, S. M., & Bacchini, D. (2018). Parenting, culture, and the development of externalizing behaviors from age 7 to 14 in nine countries. Development and Psychopathology, 30(5), 1937–1958. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579418000925
3. Kerr, M., Stattin, H., & Ozdemir, M. (2012). Perceived parenting style and adolescent adjustment: Revisiting directions of effects and the role of parental knowledge. Developmental Psychology, 48(6), 1540–1553. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027720
4. García, O. F., Serra, E., Zacarés, J. J., & García, F. (2018). Parenting styles and short- and long-term socialization outcomes: A study among Spanish adolescents and older adults. Psychosocial Intervention, 27(3), 153–161. https://doi.org/10.5093/pi2018a21
5. Romero-Acosta, K., Gómez-de-Regil, L., Lowe, G. A., Lipps, G. E., & Gibson, R. C. (2021). Parenting styles, anxiety, and depressive symptoms in children/adolescents. International Journal of Psychology Research (Medellin), 14(1), 12–32. https://doi.org/10.21500/20112084.4704
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Author: Editorial Staff
NOVEMBER 10, 2024